You’re probably wondering where the hell we’ve been?! The answer is simple, standing in line at the local Wal-Mart supercenter for the past two and half weeks. Do they ever open more than four registers? It’s a mystery the world we’ll never know the answer to. Like why is hornswoggle in a remake of Leprechaun or what fellatio techniques has Rosa Mendes acquired to stay employed all these years.
But never the less we’re back & just in time for some interesting developments within the division. In case you’ve been living under a rock or on the run from the cops like Meaghan Johnson then you know we have a new Divas Champion. Yes, after what feels like a century of her being in developmental! The anti-diva herself Paige is the reigning undisputed Divas & NXT women’s champion. In shocking win & debut she defeated long time champion AJ Lee last week on Raw. So now the time has come to see what our champion is made of as she faces the lovely Alicia Fox in her first match as champ.
Paige makes her way to the ring with signature leather jacket and belt on her shoulder. The crowd not as receptive as the week prior does seem to show a bit of interest as she makes her way to the ring. Out next is our very own Tyra Banks, Ms. Alicia Fox sporting another piece from her eclectic collection of attires. (Side note: I’m convinced Alicia spends hours trolling the internet for 40 dollar EBay cosplay outfits trying to outbid socially awkward white suburban teens who drink bubble tea with a fury!)
Now y’all know I’m not about to break this match down with a play by play. So quit the Helen Keller routine & watch that shit at linked video below.
There’s no denying both ladies work very well together. They’ve faced each other in the past during the NXT championship tournament. But this outing was far superior despite the lack of time they were given in the match on Raw. Alicia was very confident and really seemed reinvigorated during the bout. Paige played the role of “New Girl” on scene as convincingly as she could. Even though we all know damn well Paige’s experience exceeds that of Alicia’s. A stand out spot was the triple serving of tilt a whirl back breakers A-Fox dished out to Paige mid match. It seems Paige will be moving forward with her brawling style we’ve grown familiar with on NXT. I liked that she ended the match with her impressive submission finisher. It also seems to be catching the crowd’s attention every time it’s applied during her matches. Look out Natalya your cheap sharpshooter pop is up for grabs along with the little relevance you have left in your career. There’s a new and YOUNG submission technician in town miss honey!
Lana also appeared briefly accompanying Rusev to the ring. She commanded him to lay out the team of Xavier Woods & R-truth.
Later in the show we had the misfortune of witnessing the sham of a pairing known as Fandango and Layla. I’ve got to give it up to WWE for expanding their make a wish acts by allowing the elderly to participate as active in ring competitors. It’s a commendable act on their part and an inspiration to no one that at any age you can still live out your dream. Here’s hoping a bedazzled walker will join LayOLD to the ring in the coming weeks. Team DANGOLAY which is a play off the word dingoling faced off against the pairing of Emma & Santino. If your initial thought was to relive your years as a prepubescent cutter than to sit through this pointless match then we’re on the same page. Such a flawed & poorly executed segment because it was barely even a match. Firstly I had no idea Lane Bryant expanded their brand by making figure skating costumes. I’ve seen better outfits at battered women’s shelters not to mention the 7 layers of tights Layla wore & stole from a Hooters establishment. Somewhere in America they’re seven misguided young “ladies” being written up by management for not wearing part of their required uniform. I hope you’re happy Layla! You just delayed the future botched boob jobs of several unsuspecting young girls and all because you stole their undergarments. Proof that even with age senseless acts can still be committed on the innocent. Criminal acts aside, the abuse didn’t stop there because the finish of the match gave me flashbacks to the Terri and Kat days of wrestling. The real tragedy here is the poorly explained break up between Fandango and Summer Rae. You would think WWE would take the time to properly dismantle this golden pairing. But no they simply just don’t have the time with 4 hours of programing on Monday nights to properly explain anything. Sure we got a brief recap of the break up through social media prior to the tag match. Which was salvaged by Summer’s iconic tweets throughout the weekend that scalped Fandango for life after she endlessly dragged him publicly. Proof that even with what little she’s allowed to do she makes the most of whatever opportunity is placed before her despite the circumstances.
Summary: Alicia & Paige put on quite the match, working well with one another. It’s exactly what I expected from these two talented ladies. The new pair of DANGOLAY had me vomiting more than a dinner at a local golden corral. I know I shredded Layla for filth but it’s only because I don’t care about her as her time has CLEARLY passed. I’m excited for Summer’s future historic return & eager to see her starring role in the newest WWE film.